One Year Married

October 18, 2017

In four days I will have been married a whole year and I have to ask myself how did that happen so quickly? If I think back to this time last year with nearly a year and a half of planning behind me and the big day looming I think I would have said how long it took for the date to arrive.

 

Isn't it crazy how time is so dependent on the situation, you want it slow down so it speeds up, the days slipping by  - if you want time to go quickly, it drags more than watching a kettle boil (why does that take so long?!).

 

So how does it feel now?

 

When we were first married I got asked all the time, 'Does it feel any different?'

 

My answer to that was always, 'Actually, yes...'

 

I know that most people say it doesn't feel any different, especially if you have already been living with them or if you have been together for a while, but to me it does feel different. Our whole relationship feels weightier, like it has more meaning and is harder to break.

 

Decisions have also became more important, because they are about our family and future. I love him more because he is my husband and the man I have chosen to grow old with. 

 

There are a few things that I'm still not really used to, even a year on. I still have to think before giving my name and 9/10 I will write CH when initialising things. Having done it nearly all my life it turns out its quite a hard habit to break. 

 

It does also still feel a little strange when I am introduced as 'Cara Goulding' rather than Hewitt, for the same reasons again. This point does take me smoothly on to a topic I wanted to address in this post however. 


I was at a comedy show recently and a female comedian was talking about how she would never change her surname. She felt as a feminist that she would be losing her identity. She did move swiftly on to say that if you had changed your name she knew it was a personal decision but it isn't the first time I have seen this mentioned. 

 

The thought that because you have changed your name you are less of a feminist is strange to me. I still want exactly the same things that the majority of women want but I am ok feeling all those things with my husband's name. I like the idea of us being a family unit combined under one name and I like the new identity I can build around it too. I am still myself, but a new layer has been added.  

 

Just like the comedian though, that is my own personal preference. I know a lot of women feel very strongly either way on this, but for me it was never even a question that I asked. 

 

In a world where so many celebrities seem to be together for 6 months before getting engaged, staying married for a year and then divorcing it is refreshing to see that so many of the people I know that have been married in the last couple of years (and it's been a few - we've been to 12 weddings between 2016-2017) have been together with their partner for years before they actually settle down. 

 

We are marrying the people that we have lived with, that have been with us for years and watched us grow through our twenties. These marriages are the ones that should last. Leigh and I were together just over six years before we got married, I was just 22 when we first started dating. That's enough time to know if you can live with their bad habits or not... 

 

I went into my marriage knowing that it was for life, and that thought made me happy and still does. I look forward to seeing how our lives will be together and how we will grow, because he's pretty bloody awesome as husbands go. 

 

So this post is also to my husband. The one who tucks me in to bed when I'm tired, goes and gets my phone charger from upstairs when I'm being lazy, gives me a hug when he gets home from work, comforts me when I'm sad, gets mad when I put myself down, and cares about me more than anybody ever has or could. I love you very much.

 

May the next year be filled with just as much laughter as this moment was! 

 

 

Cara x

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