Now I'm on the final stretch (only 8 weeks to go!) I've been thinking all about my highs and lows from the last 7 months. I'm sure every woman who has been pregnant will say the same but it's just felt like a mad rollercoaster of emotion with plenty of surprises that I wasn't expecting thrown in.
Of course despite how I'm feeling I'd never change any of it, even the gestational diabetes, because at the end of it all I'm going to have a little me and Leigh and nothing could be more precious.
I'm going to start on the lows and end on the highs, best way to look at life really.
Over absolutely everything, including, but not limited to: a can of peaches, my nipples changing colour and shape, not knowing what to eat, not wanting to get out of the car and my aversion to fried chicken
The Constant Worry
Has the baby moved in the last two hours, have I remembered to set my blood sugar timer, have I hurt the baby by lying on my back, will delivery be ok and not traumatic for it, is it getting enough nutrients and growing big and strong, have we got everything we need, the list is endless….
Aches and Pains
The headaches in the beginning, and the sore boobs. Having to roll out of bed and the odd shooting pain down my leg. I also haven’t been able to walk quickly for weeks because I get the worst stitch and I live in London. It’s walk quickly or be tutted at!
Finally Being Sick
After weeks of avoiding it and just feeling nauseous I had a massive coughing fit at work and having to run to the toilet to throw up at week 17. It was NOT a highlight.
I haven’t felt that supported by work, I feel like my pregnancy and increased hospital appointments have been a massive inconvenience to them and it makes me sad that they don’t seem that happy for me, at a really important time in my life.
The Date Mixup
Being told I was 16 weeks and not 12. I really struggled with this for a couple of weeks as I felt cheated out of a month of pregnancy. It seems irrational and everyone kept saying, 'be happy!' but I was really low and felt betrayed by my tiny foetus. It was my first experience of not having control of the pregnancy.
It’s been really tough actually, I’ve essentially been forced into a way of eating that is completely unfamiliar to me and I struggle with it most days. Even though I know it's not true I also worry that I've harmed the baby and that I'm a rubbish host for it. I thought giving up alcohol would be hard but it turns out giving up carbs is A LOT harder.
After being told that the baby was small and that it might have to have steroids I went to Maternity Triage sobbing. I must have looked like such a crazy pregnant lady which I hated, as I didn’t want to be a stereotype. I just couldn't stop crying that day, it was awful.
Taking the pregnancy test and seeing the double lines and the relief of knowing that I could have children. Not that I’ve ever put it to the test before but it was so lovely and a relief to know that I can get pregnant.
The 12 Week Scan
Seeing our baby for the first time at 12 (read: 16) weeks and bursting into tears. I'd got myself really worked up and almost convinced myself that there wasn't a baby in there, despite having numerous symptoms. When we actually heard a heartbeat and saw the baby it was all a bit much.
Decorating the Nursery and seeing our baby’s room come together has been one of my favourite things, along with buying all the bits for a new baby. My spending side has thoroughly enjoyed every second. I've loved making a space for the baby and imagining them in there.
I've mentioned this before and I'll keep mentioning it. I LOVE my pregnancy body, it’s the best I’ve ever felt about the way I look. I love dressing it, I love exercising in it, I would happily have this body all the time. It's such a shame I cant feel this way about my tum normally.
I’ve met some gorgeous pregnant women on Instagram and Mush and we’ve been doing this pregnancy thing together. They keep me sane when I'm freaking out and drag me to yoga even when I don't want to go. It’s been great not to feel alone through some bits. Also reconnecting with old school friends, and the advice and support I have been offered by people I’ve met through my life has been lovely.
Some people might think that this is torture but I've loved counting down week by week and getting closer to meeting our little sugarpuff, I feel like it’s going surprisingly quickly, although guarantee these last few weeks drag now.
Seats on Trains
Getting a seat on the train every day for the last 7 months has literally been one of the best things about being pregnant. Especially when I smugly ask someone to move. Yes - I'm that person and I'm not even sorry.
More of a perk than a high, but I’ve lost 7lbs throughout the pregnancy and once the baby is born I could stand to lose more which means I’m going to be lighter than I was going in. It's been an unexpected outcome as I was worried that I would pile on the pounds and never lose them again.
After being told at week 28 that the baby was small, the relief and sense of pride I felt at week 30 to be told that baby had but on a whole pound was overwhelming and I smiled for the first time in two weeks. Now we just need to make sure it keeps putting on weight, although no too much - I still need to push it out!
Telling friends and family that we were expecting, my brothers were the most excited I’ve ever seen them and my heart melts every time they give baby, a.k.a my bump a hug when they see me.
My increasingly strong bond with my own mum as I realise what she went through to have the three of us. She’s been a huge support when I’ve been feeling down, want to moan or cry or rejoice and doesn’t seem to mind that I call her nearly every day for reassurance. Shout out to my Dad as well for making the effort to meet me for lunch, especially just after the GD diagnoses when I just needed lots of love.
People getting in touch to tell me that the pregnancy blog posts I’ve been writing have helped them or made them laugh. It always makes me feel so warm inside to know that I’ve been able to offer support where possible and humour if it’s needed.
The first time that baby kicked, after weeks of worrying that I hadn’t felt anything yet. This was extra special because Leigh and I felt the first kick together which is super rare. Also, even though it still weirds me out a bit, seeing baby move about in my tummy because it means it’s all fine and healthy.
Watching how much Leigh loves me and the bump and the fact that, without fail, baby will give me a good kick when it hears that he is home from work. I love that it recognises his voice and responds.
I talk to baby ALL THE TIME, and it's been especially fun to pretend we are having a conversation about how silly Leigh can be. We are in our own little club for two sometimes and it makes it special to know that soon I'll be talking to a real little person.