Is it going to be the case that every month I start with 'Where did that time go?'
The days just seem to be slipping away so quickly, time has never felt so short. Time is now measured in feeds and sleeps and before you know it, there's another day gone, another two weeks passed and suddenly you're looking at a baby that seems to have grown and changed so much in such a short space of time.
I went to visit my friend the other day who's just had her baby and there were little things I'd forgotten already about the newborn stage and yet it still seems like it was yesterday. I keep trying to hold on to as many memories as I can whilst enjoying making new ones.
I am definitely confident as a new parent, and yet there are so many things I am learning to do. My greatest learnt skill so far is being able to hold Rosie with one hand so that I can get things done around the house. We are learning her cries, 90% of the time I can tell what she wants, and I take such joy in the fact that when I pick her up she is instantly soothed. Her new favourite thing to do is lick my arm when we have a cuddle (even though she's not hungry as I've given her milk). It's the things like that, that I don't want to forget which is why keeping track of her month by month is so important to me.
Feeding still continues to be a dream with no problems at all. I've got over the initial 'in public' embarrassment and now don't hesitate to feed her straight away. Obviously I try and be as discreet as possible but I'm no longer faffing around trying to hide behind muslins because life is too short. We introduced a bottle at four weeks which she took easily and have continued to give her a bottle every third day to keep up the habit. I am so relived as life would have become very difficult had she refused the bottle and I feel I would have given up a lot sooner to claim my life back. Now I don't need to worry and plan on breastfeeding until she is one. i am currently trying to express as much as possible in preparation for our first night away without her, so I've bought some milk bags and I'm freezing my supply. It's when I write sentences like that I marvel at what my life has become.
I'm still waiting for the penny to drop on this one because she is such a good sleeper which seems so at odds with all my other mum friends, and I hate it when they talk about what a rubbish night they have because I feel like a mum traitor. We have a routine in place now, the usual bath, pjs, feed and bed and the majority of nights she will go to sleep at 10pm and go through to 4am when we do a change and feed then she goes back to sleep until 8am. It means we are getting a good 9hrs as we are still going to bed when she does, although admittedly we've started scrolling on our phones until about 11pm. I need to try and bring her bedtime forward but I've tried it a couple of times and it just means she wakes up 'earlier' and for some reason 4am seems easier to wake from than 2am. I am currently trying to teach her to sleep in her Moses basket in the day rather than on me because as much as I love the cuddles I'm starting to need some time where I'm not holding her. I don't understand why she will sleep in it fine at night but not during the day, but I'm working on it!
Rosie has found her smile and it's the cutest thing I have ever seen. I was saying to Leigh, do you think I will take pleasure in her smile even when she's an adult? She is already becoming such a cheeky little thing. She follows us with her eyes and loves to stare at our faces. If she's not asleep she likes to be sung too and we do some dancing every day. We've also started exploring the local classes and she's a very busy baby with yoga, massage and singing classes. Once my scar has fully healed I'm hoping to attend a sling & swing dance class with her too. I'm hoping that all of these classes will make her a confident, happy baby as she will have lots of other babies to interact with. She has already started testing her boundaries with other people and seeing who she can 'cry' at to get a reaction from. When we went to the Drs for her check up she realised that her pouty lip wasn't going to get the same reaction from her as it does from me. Her current favourite thing is a patterned muslin that I have for her, we drape it over her play mat and make a tent which she happily sits under absorbing the new shapes.
Our little love is getting bigger, now weighing 10lb 9oz and looking 'older' and less newborn now. The weight gain is wonderful as it's so easy to worry that she isn't getting enough milk when breastfeeding. Very subtly her head size increased with her first developmental leap and it's still lacking much hair, although she does have a bit of a monk hairstyle at the moment. I noticed the other day that it's looking much darker on top than it was. Her eyelashes are fully grown now and very long, and her eyebrows are still quite light but definitely there. Her eyes are still very blue, I can't imagine her ever having a different colour now. Although tummy time is still her least favourite activity we are persevering and she can turn her head from side to side with more ease. She can now be propped up on the sofa with cushions and like to be held 'standing' up with her feet resting on my legs. Her hands are also slowly starting to open and I think her tiny palms are one of my favourite things.
I am fully healed and back to normal which is a relief, I'd say it was around week 6 that I felt I could walk for a distance without any discomfort although sometimes I do feel uncomfortable when sitting up from lying flat. I am absolutely loving motherhood, she is such a joy and i love waking up every day and saying good morning. I am embracing my body in a way that I never have before. My focus has completely shifted away from how I look, I don't mind that I have a little tummy - it was always going to happen. I'm still maintaining my weight loss, the breastfeeding is definitely helping with that as I seem to want to eat my weight in chocolate and cake currently. Mostly I am feeling confident and happy right now.