I've known that this day would come for some time. In fact we discussed how I would act and feel with a friend when I was still pregnant.
She asked how I was going to feel about leaving my baby with the in laws overnight, to which I replied, 'Are you joking! I can't wait to get drunk! Besides she will be over three months and it has to happen sometime.I'll be absolutely fine,,,,'
Except it isn't bloody fine. Because we have got a wedding this weekend and Rosie isn't invited (completely understandable) which means the day I have to leave her behind is nearly upon us and I am filled with dread. Because my response was based off someone that just wanted a drink and didn't realise that being away from her is actually REALLY HARD. I don't even like it if she's been asleep and I haven't seen her face so how am I now going to leave her overnight. 24 hours of not seeing her big beaming smiles.
The longest i have been away from her so far is a couple of hours and I found myself at a loss. What do I do with my arms? How do people just stand still and not sway?
I suppose I will be swaying, just with alcohol....
Because Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has come for me to be able to have a proper drink.
There are two camps on the drinking front - Camp A: The new mums who are all jealous of my night off, and the ability to have more than a small glass for fear of giving the baby some very suspect milk and Camp B: The ones that keep telling me I need to pace myself because I haven't had a drink in nearly a year.
To Camp B I say Ha! I will be making up for all those months that you got drunk whilst I watched on with my soda water and lime. To Camp A I say, here's to you! I'll do a shot for you all!
All jokes (not jokes) aside, I do have some concerns about how quickly I am going to get drunk. I obviously don't want to peak too early and end up throwing up but I don't want to waste an opportunity to let my hair down a little and have a good time because heaven knows when I'll get another chance.
I've also found that any alcohol I've had recently has made me so very sleepy so I don't want to slumped in a corner, yawning my head off and not having a good time. The other very real concern is that I'm going to be THAT mum, who just spends all night crying over pictures of Rosie whilst telling anyone who will listen that she's the best thing that ever happened to me and calling the in laws every two seconds asking for updates.
I mean she is the best thing that's ever happened but I don't know if anyone else cares.
It's not going to be like any wedding I've been too before either because I will have to remember at intervals throughout the day to 'Pump and Dump.' What a waste of milk it will seem! We made a joke the other day about making a White Russian cocktail using the milk, which is obviously mega LOLS. Thank God we have a hotel room or I'd have to carry my pump around in my clutch bag.
I just didn't think I was going to feel this way and that it was going to be quite so hard. I'm not going to back out of it and not spend the night, but I'm not necessarily happy about it either. I'm just really going to miss her.
If you count the pregnancy and the last 3 months, it's been the two of us for a year and I kind of feel like a piece of me will be missing. Dramatic? Maybe. But it doesn't change the very real fact that despite my bluster and gloating about a night off I'm actually feeling really apprehensive, and a little bit sad that she will probably be absolutely fine and be able to cope on her own without me.
Things I am looking forward to however include....not having to wear something breastfeeding friendly (although I am because habits!), holding a conversation without getting distracted, not hearing crying when there's actually no crying - you know, like when you hear your phone vibrate but no one has messaged you. Also eating a hot meal with both hands, going to the toilet without listening for crying, not being responsible for a tiny human just for a little while.
I think it's like a plaster, I just need to do this the once and then it will be easier every time after that. It's going to be a very strange day, indeed.
If you don't already make sure you're following me on Instagram @ohmybabygoulding where I will be on Stories so you can see me drink my first, much anticipated, shot of tequila.
Here's to a big parent milestone!